Themification by Uche Ohaya

I asked a group of my peers what they thought was the most dangerous four-letter word. Answers like “hate” and “love” were the first to be shouted out. Someone chimed in with “fire” and then the responses became explicit and vulgar shortly thereafter. Who would have thought that the most dangerous four-letter word was a term as simple as “THEM”? That was one of the many takeaways I acquired from attending the National Coalition for Dialogue & Deliberation (NCDD) Conference which took place in the D.C. Metropolitan area during the October 17th weekend.

As my first workshop of the conference, “’Them’ & ‘Us’: Liberating Stories through Dialogue” set the bar high. In this workshop, the facilitators started by having us watch a Ted Talks video about how the word “them” is the most dangerous four-letter word because of its power to marginalize people that we believe to be different from us. The video used the concepts of “them-ification” and “other-ization” to pinpoint the obstacle that we face as a community, society and world. The solution for getting away from the oppressive behaviors of “them-ification” was as simple as asking questions but at the very root of it all was just to listen. We broke out into groups of four and did a listening exercise based on a prompt about a time where we exhibited leadership. One person would respond to the prompt while the other three were given a choice of listening roles. One person would listen for facts, one person would listen for emotions and one person would listen for values. Each position would rotate until everyone played each role at least once. It was amazing to hear each person’s story told four different ways. This exercise really helped us to practice actively listening. It helped us get away from the prejudices of what we believe to be different or “other” and allowed us to break down barriers and build bridges towards inclusivity or what I consider the “us” factor.

There is no “THEM”, just “US” and the NCDD Conference reaffirmed that statement for me and my peers. The insight I gained from this workshop not only further shaped the way I interact with people on a daily basis but it provided me with a solid and clear breakdown of active listening. I wish to employ these practices into my professional and personal life because I strongly believe in alliance and social justice. We cannot fix the problem alone; we have to work together.